Wow, what a crazy last couple of months it’s been for us all. Who would have thought that our society would end up here in this unknown territory of our everyday lives. I know even before this virus decided to change our ways of living as we know it right now, I was putting blocks in front of myself. These were like excuses I was telling myself that I couldn’t do this or couldn’t do that because of this reason or that. I really struggled with that after I started this blog. I do have a TON of ideas that I can write about, but always would find a reason to not to. A year ago in the spring I went to a women’s retreat in which I realized that I do this to myself ALL THE TIME. This actually was a huge revelation realizing this, and had formulated goals of things I wanted to do, some of them I accomplished, some are still being worked on, but however I felt like I started healing and moving past the putting blocks in my path.

Now in our current situation, it really has reared it’s ugly head again. I feel like I do this quite frequently and there are days where I’m completely fine and other days, where out of nowhere, there it is again. I can’t do this because I haven’t done that and so forth and some days it feel like it’s an endless list. I have found that I have been over committing myself in too many areas of my life and need to scale back as well. But one thing that remained consistent is that I still want to do this blog and share my experiences, but I really have to stop making the excuse that ‘I can’t’ and change it to ‘I can’. A work still in progress at the moment.

Fast forward to current day situation and my feelings I’ve gone through during this pandemic. So I have been working from home for almost two months now. The first week, I was like, this is kind of nice, I can do this, to the next week of oh my gosh, I can’t do this this totally sucks. I’m not going to lie that the last two months have been a TOTAL roller coaster of emotions. This time has been really hard to be able to work, manage the kids and make sure they are doing their school work online and meeting their needs along with trying to keep sane when I really need to get something done with work right away and they are being all loud and in the background while my husband is working outside. But then there are also days where I have really connected with my kids and husband and we have good days. One thing I really have learned throughout this experience is that it’s ok to not be ok, and to have compassion for myself during those rough days. It was interesting because I felt like in the beginning of all of this I needed to make changes in my life because here we were given this time to be able to work on ourselves and make changes if we wanted. I felt like I needed to learn something from this time of being at home and that it should be some huge like, I really had this big epiphany about my life. Yeah well, it doesn’t work like that all the time. But in all of this I have learned that we all needed a break from our fast paced lives and this virus has made us do that. And I’ve learned that everyday isn’t going to be a awesome day and I have days of depression and anxiety, but I’ve learned that I have to have compassion in those days and give myself a break and not to do the negative self talk in my head. I’ve also learned that I need to give compassion to my family as well, because we are all going through this and they have their bad days as well and just give them a little slack when they are having their off day.

Typically I would end this saying have a wonderful day, but right now, life is hard, so I’m going to say, have a day, whatever kind of day that might be and hopefully you find a little light in it if it is a rough day. But my saying ‘live your soul’ here still rings true because of no matter where you are at you ARE living your soul. Love and positive vibes.